Okay! I just got off the phone with JJ. Alot of Sh1t is about to go down. I couldnt understand half the words that The Golden One was saying because he was either crying or choking on something at the time. His tone sounded of a distraught and broken man. I tried to cheer him up and encourage him but he just kept on mumbling something. All I could picture while trying to decipher his lingo was a broken down, bald, obese man, that had just been defeated. I was on my flippin mobile phone. You know not the cool ones with the cameras or the internet. Not the flip phones that talk to you. I was on my clunker. I mean my mobile was about 13 inches by 6 inches. This thing weighs a ton and it has one of those rubber antennas that dont go down. I was at the bus stop when I got this call from a sobbing JJ and I was hoping hed make it quick so no hot women would walk by and see me with this clunker in my hand. But his call went on and on. It felt like hours. He kept mumbling and mumbling and crying into the phone. Man he must have spit 10 times into the receiver. I just wanted him to get to the point. I wanted him to stop being a pu$$y and tell me what the Good Doctor told him. Hell, I was probably getting some tumor from the clunker. And it was costing me like 45 cents a minute. And it weighed a flipping ton. But JJ kept crying and moaning into the phone. I was gonna hang up right there but I thought if I disconnected, JJ would kill himself. I would have regretted that for life. I would have held myself responsible for the loss of this true pioneer and decent human being. So I stayed on the line risking my own health and dignity. Every time a Hot chick would walk by the bus stop I would put the clunker behind my back and smile at them. Then I would quickly pick it back up and ask JJ to repeat what I had missed. But he just kept mumbling the same thing. I was like JJ.. get a grip man! You're the Golden One. You're The Coach!! But it was like he was deaf to my words. Man I wanted to go over there and hug him but my arms were dead from the clunker. The Board Room member always told me to just chuck my Mobile away and get a new one but I had it for 11 years and could not part ways with it. I am sure you understand. Its like a dog that gets real old and just sits there, barks, eats and humps everything in sight. You wanna kill the poor thing but you cant because of all the memories you have with it. Same with my clunker. Well it doesnt hump everything in sight. Thats because its just too damn big. I should have listened to Journeyman and Wilheim when they told me to buy those cool camera phones. They told me I could take a picture with the phone. I thought that was so cool. A camera in a phone. But I didnt want to get rid of the clunker. It was a part of me now. After 11 years with it, how could I just give it away?? Then Fishhead came up with a novel idea. He told me to take a picture of the clunker and when ever I open my new cool phone the Clunker would be able to be seen. I was about to do that but when I got to the cell store in Bergenfield and was looking at all the cool phones, I just thought of all the history I had with my clunker. I took it out of my bag, looked at it, and told it I would never get rid of it. But now...sitting here at the bus stop with all the hot chicks walking by, listening to JJ moan and b1tch about something I cant even understand and the thought of me getting a tumor and losing ciruclation in my right arm from holding this huge thing for 27 minutes straight, makes me think I should have listened to Fishhead. If I had a cool phone I could listen to JJ cry and moan and take pictures of all the hot chicks that pass me by. They wouldnt even know I was taking a picture. I would then send the pics to JJ and cheer him up. But now I am sitting hear listening to the Golden One pour his heart out to me and it makes me think how much I would miss the clunker if I got rid of it. Anyway after about 36 minutes my battery started to die and I told JJ I would call him from my landline when I got home. He just kep mumbling and mumbling and sobbing. Finally 8 minutes later the phone went dead. I was so scared that JJ would kill himself, that I didnt wait till I got home. I found the nearest pay phone put my last quarter in and called JJ. Got the fuking busy signal. I called for 5 minutes straight and still busy. He thinks I am still on the phone with him. Poor Man. Anyway I finally got thru and he said He will call me back after he gets out of the shower. A hot babe is coming over to his joint tonight and needs to shower fast and then he'll let me know of everything the Shrink said. I said *** the Shrink, tell me bout this chick. He said okay and hell call me later. Guys I will let you know what happened later tonight when he calls me. God Bless JJ! What a MAN!!!
Okay!! JJ just called me back. I can't figure out this guy. What a talent! 1 hour ago he is crying to me on the phone and now he is asking me if he should get white roses or red roses. I told him go with the long stem red rose if you want to sleep with her tonight. He asked if Pino's Deli was a classy place for the date. I thought about it before answering him. I thought to myself that Pino makes the best corned beef but would this woman appreciate corned beef sitting across a bald, obese man in a fuking deli? I told JJ to take her to The Pasta Palace. Shes a woman and she probably likes the dairy food. I am a steak guy. So is JJ. But if he wants to sleep with her he better whine and dine her and think with this rug. He was very nervous because its windy here in Jersey and she doesnt realize its a rug. I told him to get the velcro sh1t. Or wear an Enrique/Colin Farrell nit hat. He liked that idea but he said he has no time to go out and buy one. I told him to be himself and if hes lucky she wont even notice or care about his rug. He said she was meeting him at Flatlands and Easter Blvd at 7PM. He is so excited. Man I am happy for this guy. He was going to kill himself an hour ago and now hes gonna get laid. This can only happen to the Golden One. I asked how they met?! Did he know her for a while. Did he meet her in cyber space? He said she passed him while he was crying on the phone and she felt bad and he was holding his rug and she thought it was a puppy so she came on over and she asked whats wrong and let him put his head down in that place all men love. She felt bad for the guy and he played her well. What a PLAYER! He kept crying and crying and rubbing his rug. This broad must be dumb because she still think his rug is a puppy. Hell he made believe the rug was a puppy and made believe the puppy was feeling her up but it was him holding the rug.What a smart man this JJ is. Now I know why he is The Coach. I asked JJ what name he went by. He told her his name is Bennifer. I was like....Jennifer??? He said no! Bennifer. I said what the fukk is Bennifer he said thats his name for the night. She liked it. She thought it was a cool name. I am telling you only JJ can pull this sh1t off. What a MAN!!! He then started discussing the Avatar issue with me and what the Shrink had said but I told him are you insane!! This is your lucky night man. Forget business for once and get laid! This man always has his priorities straight. Thats why he is The Coach. And thats why he gets paid the big bucks! Anyway he had to go out to buy the flowers. But I made him swear that hed call me right when he finishes his after sex smoke!! He said I will be his first call. What a MAN!
